In the Last Breath of the Sun
by liljaneybelle
Summary: I never realized what a hopeless romantic I was. THIS is the way things really happend.


In the Last Breath of the Sun

iDisclaimer: Ah Paramount . . . if only in my dreams.Oh wait this is my dream.

The lyrics are from Nickel Creek's "When You Come Back Down."

Note: This had been simmering for seven years – ever since "you don't bother me, except the way I love to be bothered."This is what really happened.Didn't anyone ever tell you not to believe what you see on TV?/i

In the Last Breath of the Sun 

by: liljaneybelle

iYou've got to leave me now; you got to go alone.

You got to chase a dream; one that's all your own,

Before it slips away.

When you're flying high, take my heart along.

I'll be the harmony to every lonely song

That you learn to play./i

The old porch swing still creaked.It would always creak, the one flaw in the setting that made the scene more perfect some how.Greens and golds stretched to the horizon, a few trees and homes marring the perfect flatlands.The greens and golds of the fields kissed the reds and oranges of the setting sun, fading with its last breath into the blues and purples of the evening sky that would soon be speckled with her stars.Nature was settling in for the night, winding down into a dusky twilight.And through the whole performance the porch swing creaked.

Two women exchanged a glance.They had been watching the scene before them, not the display Mother Nature provided them but the lone figure observing it but not really seeing it.The long body laid in the porch swing, embracing an invisible companion, a red dog lying curled up on the porch beside him.He'd been lying there for hours and would lie for hours more it would seem.The younger of the two whispered softly, "Mom, should I go talk to him?"The elder of the two shook her wise head."Leave him be.He just needs time."

Missing in action left a small bit of lingering hope.It was so easy to believe she was out there, chasing the anomalies that had long fascinated her.He could almost see her standing on her bridge, her small but dominating persona barking orders with her hands on her hips, and the gleam of discovery in her eyes.Those beautiful blue eyes he adored.He knew those eyes so well; if he didn't lose himself in them he could see straight into her heart.

Did anyone she was with know her as he did?If she weren't careful she'd close herself off to everyone.She never meant to, she'd told him as much, but her commitment to the role she must play didn't allow for the close relationships she might like.And that was what she loved about him.He gave her everything she needed to do her job and be a person, a woman too.He accepted all of her.It wasn't hard for him.She was a vibrant, multi-faceted, if stubborn, woman.And he loved her.

iWhen you're soaring through the air

I'll be your solid ground.

Take every chance you dare

I'll still be there

When you come back down

When you come back down/i

It was when the sunset turned to twilight that he missed her most of all.When she was home they chose this hour to go walking and catch up on one another's lives.The fields of Indiana, the grounds of Starfleet headquarters or some unknown pathway in some new place, it didn't matter.They would head out just before sunset, hand in hand, with Molly on her leash, and wander aimlessly, talking until her stars were bright in the sky.They'd discuss everything - her missions, his research, interplanetary politics, Molly, and of course their plans for the future.It was their treasured hour. 

He'd chosen this magical hour for his proposal.They were vacationing on the Pacific, at a small little cottage tucked away from everything.They'd gone walking just before sunset and found a secluded rocky beach, covered with grass, branches and logs.Just as the sun was dipping into the ocean he asked her to marry him.Her look of surprise made him laugh out loud.It was rare he could catch this clever woman so completely off guard and he delighted in the moment.She'd agreed, eagerly so.He had swept her into his arms, swinging her through the air.He set her solidly on the ground and stared at her in wonder.

Her rock, she'd called him.

iI'll keep looking up, awaiting your return

My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn

And I won't feel your fire. /i

The old porch swing still creaked; the red setter still lay idly, curled up beside it.More than a year had passed and winter has just arrived.The sun went on rising and setting.The snow provided the sun with a twinkling dance floor to set on as the colors of the evening sky continued their timeless dance.Nothing in the old Indiana home had changed.But something was still missing.

She'd explained it all to him very carefully but he couldn't wrap his mind around it.How does someone declare someone else dead?That is of course without the evidence to prove it.It made no sense to him.He was a philosopher; surely he could propose some sort of explanation, some theory of her death to make the declaration logical.But as he sat in the old porch swing, swaying gently, facing the setting sun, listening to the perpetual creaking of the swing, nothing came to mind but a single truth.

He would know.

Of course he would.Something within him would shrivel and die, a piece of him would simple cease to exist.She'd had his heart since they were children.It had taken him years to win hers.But he'd succeeded.The beautiful intelligent woman he'd loved so long had declared her love for him.And he was devoted to her.

Their wedding was to have been six months ago.

iI'll be the other hand that always holds the line

Connecting it between your sweet heart and mine

I'm strung out on that wire.

No, she couldn't be dead. Surely he'd know.He was a philosopher.He could theorize for days about love, the heart, mind and soul.And she was a part of him.He'd waited for years for her; surely he could wait, would wait, forever.

Not dead, just missing.And she was missed, terribly so.

iAnd I'll be on the other end to hear you when you call.

Angel, you were born to fly.If you get to high

I'll catch you when you fall

I'll catch you when you fall/i

The sunsets continued to slip by him, forming weeks, months and years.Still he waited, a faithful pup by his side.

He began to wonder what he was waiting for exactly.A sign of some sort?Some sort of clue telling him to move on with his life?Or some word that she would return to him?He wasn't really sure.

He'd always known the life she'd chosen was a potentially dangerous one.He'd known many who'd died in the line of duty, including her father.But he'd never thought that life would claim her.

She was born to the space faring life as fish are to swimming.It was a part of her spirit, of who she was.It was her destiny to lead others through the stars; to encounter all that the galaxy had to offer.She was a doer every bit as much as he was a thinker.They made an interesting match - he enjoyed imagining all that could be while she was eager to see it or make it happen.Two brilliant minds and two different views made for a collision of ideas and inspiring conversation.

But there was so much more.There was a level of easy comfort between them that had been long in creating.It was a certain closeness that is hard to find.Warmth and safety - home.He missed the simple comfort of her soft embrace and the bone-crushing hug when she needed comfort.

She really was more fragile than she appeared.

iYour memory's the sunshine every new day brings.

I know the sky is calling.

Angel, let me help you with your wings. /i

"Is that a letter to you, Captain?" Harry asked with a smile.

She cradled the data padd in her hands, the treasure that it was."Yes," she replied breathlessly. "Seven just downloaded it." She turned to Tom."I'll be in my ready room."

"Yes, ma'am," he responded quietly.

She knew she chose her ready room for one reason and one reason only.No matter what this letter said she wouldn't get too emotional over it. She sat on her couch gingerly, holding the letter as if afraid it would fall to pieces in her hands.She took in a deep breath and clenched it tightly, steeling herself for what it would say.Then she began to read.

b Kathryn Janeway

Mark Johnson

Hi Kath.I can hardly believe I am writing a letter I know you will read.I'm wondering what time you'll get it, what you're doing when it arrives, and even where you'll read it.I wonder what you're eating, if you're sleeping well, how much coffee you're drinking, and if you let yourself have any fun.

But I know what you're wondering right now.It was a litter of five - three female, two male.They all went to good homes.Trust me.Molly is just fine and napping at my feet in fact.

The sun set, moments ago.The horizon is a shade of vivid pink that spills into a rich violet.I'm in Indiana and the fields are golden brown and mottled green.The rest of the sky is so pale it looks white.And then of course the eastern sky is bringing the blues and indigoes of night.It never ceases to amaze me that such vibrant colors don't clash but fit together.How I wish you were here to watch it with me.

I knew you were still alive.No one could convince me otherwise.I held out hope as long as I could . . . and then some.There was almost someone else.We'd even set a date.But something stopped me and less than three months later, your Doctor arrived.

Okay so you are still 60,000 light years away, but hey, _I was right_.You're still alive, conquering the mysteries of the galaxy, living a life you were born to live.The way I figure it, if you keep up your present rate of travel, you can be here in twenty-four years.You'll be sixty-six and I'll be sixty-eight.We'll still be spring chickens.It took me nearly thirty years to convince you to marry me; I suppose waiting another twenty-four for the actual event will be smooth sailing.

Keep soaring, Kath.I'll be waiting.

Love,

Mark/b

Kathryn's heart flew into her throat.He was still there, her rock.

iWhen you're soaring through the air

I'll be your solid ground

Take every chance you dare/i

The swing still creaked, the only constant left in his life.The sweet red setter had died years before but he'd been there, waiting for her, though the trip took nineteen more years, not the twenty-four he'd teased so long ago.The longest away mission in history, isn't that what Kath's friend called it at the reunion?And she returned home to accolades and promotions, fireworks and hoopla.Ten years had passed since that joyous day but the ten years of home did not make up for the twenty-three previous ones.It had been a long road home for her.They were hard years that cost her so much.She needed to do this.

When she'd discovered there was an alternative, and found a way to make it happen, there was nothing he could say but do it.There was so much her idea could offer if she succeeded.Do it, he had told her – for her crew, for the lost, for herself, and for all that should have been.He alone knew of all the pieces of her plan and its consequences.

He told her to do it anyway. 

So he sat quietly, embracing his invisible companion waiting for the moment of change that would surely come.He watched the colors of the fall evening weave into their intricate pattern, wondering what the dawn would bring.Did she make it back there?Could she convince herself to do the right thing?Would he know when she succeeded?

The night sky enveloped him slowly that evening; the sun seemed to dip slower and slower as the crescent drew closer to the horizon.It was odd, he thought, that was usually when it seemed to go faster.The last sliver of sun hung still in the sky, the breath of fire, forever frozen for him in that moment.He felt a curious sensation.Something within him extinguished and that space filled with an empty, aching feeling.He wouldn't see her stars come out this night.Somewhere across space and time itself, something was happening.His heart stopped beating and he breathed his last, the makings of a name on his lips, an invisible companion in his arms.

iI'll be your solid ground

Take every chance you dare

I'll still be there 

When you come back down

When you come back down/i

The sun went on rising and setting.The years passed by once more but not near as many as expected.It was springtime; the fields and trees were lush and green, a wide array of greens blending into a poetical mosaic with this, a truly golden sunset at the center of which was a red sun - the sailor's delight.The evening sky had never looked so glorious as this spring night sent its sun to bed with a vast amount of color, encompassing all that the spectrum had to offer.

Two grinning faces, sly with their secret knowledge, watched the scene before them, not the wondrous performance of Mother Nature, but looking to see the magical event unfolding before their eyes.The slow creaking of the old porch swing stopped abruptly.A figure was coming seemingly from within the sun itself.It was obvious this slim figure was doing everything it could to treasure this long awaited moment and not run headlong into it.

The long body on the porch swing had other ideas.He leapt from his place and hit the ground running, the red setter at his feet following barking wildly.He swept the small figure into his arms and swung her around in his delight.He caught her as she nearly slipped from his grasp, set her solidly on the ground and took her face in his hands to stare into her deep blue eyes.She took his hands in hers guiding him back to the porch, petting the elated pup by her side.They laid there together on the old creaky swing, a happy dog curled up on the porch beside them dreaming happy doggie dreams, his arms full of his love, no longer an invisible companion.

"I can't believe you're still here," she whispered unable to reign in her emotions any longer, enjoying having his strong arms around her once more. They both sighed as the last breath of the sun made its escape to allow her stars to take its place watching over the Earth.He smiled and kissed her head, smelling the sweet scent of her hair.Love, warmth, and comfort nearly overwhelmed him.He blinked away his joyful tears and told her softly and tenderly, "I'll always be here when you come back down."


End file.
